


I'll Be Where My Reputation Don't Precede Me

by Eternal Scribe (Shadowcat)



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Stripper/Exotic Dancer, Bad Decisions, Durincest, Fíli Feels, Fíli is Not Happy About This, Gen, Hurt Kíli, Jealous Fíli, Kíli Feels, Kíli-centric, M/M, Multi, On the Run, Protective Fíli, Self-Destruction, Songfic, vices
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-23 09:24:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9649634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat/pseuds/Eternal%20Scribe
Summary: Another town, where my past can't run me downAnother life, another call, another bed I shouldn't crawl out ofAt 7 AM with shoes in my handSaid I wouldn't do it, but I did it againAnd I know I'll be gone tomorrow night-- "Vice", Miranda LambertThe sun was far too bright for his liking, but he dealt with it just like he dealt with everything in his life now. He endured.Endured.Yeah, he was pretty sure that his family had had other meanings in mind when they told him all about their family motto when he was younger.Durins are built to endure, Kili. It’s what we have always done. Durins endure no matter what the odds.So Kili endured in the only way he could now.  He drifted from town to town and from club to club.





	1. Missing

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Gathering FiKi - Winter Fandom Raffle Exchange.
> 
> Each Chapter Will Be A Different Prompt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt #38 - **Missing**

_Can’t drink you off my mind  
So I’ll see you when I’m sober…_

He wasn’t completely sure where he was when he woke up -- but that was no big surprise. There were a lot of mornings (or afternoons, in this case) that began in this way. When you were spiralling downward in an attempt to kill your pain by whatever means necessary, well, certain things just didn't seem to matter to you as much.

Some of the friends he still stayed in contact with claimed that he had a death wish. To be honest, Kili couldn’t truthfully say that they were wrong. Oh, he wasn’t the type to end his own life no matter how desolate and barren he felt his soul was. He also just didn’t care if something bad did happen to him at another’s hands.

Maybe he did have a bit of a death wish. All he knew was that he hurt so much and he was so alone that life didn’t really have much meaning to him any longer.

He rolled out of bed and immediately searched for his jeans. His lack of clothing as well as the ache in his lower back told him he must have had a good time after he’d left the club the night before.

He didn’t even bother to look at his sleeping companion as he dressed and then let himself out of the apartment.

The sun was far too bright for his liking, but he dealt with it just like he dealt with everything in his life now. He endured.

_Endured._

Yeah, he was pretty sure that his family had had other meanings in mind when they told him all about their family motto when he was younger.

_Durins are built to endure, Kili. It’s what we have always done. Durins endure no matter what the odds._

So Kili endured in the only way he could now. He drifted from town to town and from club to club. He didn’t have to live this way, but it was what he knew and was comfortable with now. He could dip into his bank accounts and his trust fund but that would mean his family could find a way to track him and he didn’t want that. 

So he drifted. He drifted and he played his way through the nights so that he could sleep through the too long days.

After a few miles walk and a short cab ride, Kili entered the club he had been working out of for last two weeks. He was going to miss this place when he left, but he had to leave soon. He had discovered early on that staying in one place for too long made it easier to find him.

Kili did not want to be found. By anyone.

“Kirin!” the bartender called out when he saw Kili enter the dusky atmosphere.

“Hey, Zoli,” he said with a smile as he settled onto a stool. “How’s it going?”

“It’s going well. You remember you have a show tonight?”

“Of course. I’d never bail on you guys like that. Besides, I want to do as much as I can before I leave.”

Zoli’s face fell a little. “It’s come that time has it?”

Kili sighed and nodded. “Yeah, it’s time. I’ve already stayed here longer than I should have.”

“That sucks. We’re certainly going to miss you around here, Kirin,” Zoli said as he refilled Kili’s drink. “Think you might find your way back here?”

Kili shrugged as he reached for his drink. “Depends if the wind blows me back here or not.” He’d never returned to a place after he had left it -- not once in the year since he had left his hometown.

“Well, I hope it does. You have a family here, whether you’re ready to acknowledge that or not.” The bartender turned to reach for another bottle to measure out for a drink. “A family that won’t cause you to treat yourself like you don’t belong anywhere.”

It was only from sheer force of will that Kili swallowed his drink instead of choking on it. “Zoli…”

“Don’t worry, kid, none of us here would give you up to anyone looking for you. Everyone here has a secret of some kind.” Zoli shrugged and offered him a new drink from the bottle of Mescal he was holding. “Dwalin and me knew the night we met you that you were hurting something awful and had demons that were chasing you. We just didn’t know what kind of trouble your demons might cause.”

“Zoli, I swear, I would never and I mean never ever knowingly bring trouble into your place. You guys have been really good to me.” Kili could hear that he was babbling, but he found he couldn’t stop. “I don’t usually say in one place for so long but you guys were so great and open and --”

“Breathe, kid,” Zoli said calmly as he topped up Kili’s shot glass. “We never thought you were trouble or would bring trouble. We just saw how much pain was in your eyes and that kind of pain is usually caused by relatives or having your heart broken.”

Kili bowed his head, not sure how much he wanted to confide in his friend. Most of his story was far too painful to talk about and other parts of it… well, other parts of it were hard to categorize.

“I’ve liked it here and I’ve felt safe but…”

“But your soul isn’t convinced it’s okay for you to stay in one place because you’re hurting so much,” Zoli finished. “I know and I understand. Everyone has a story and yours is yours. Just know if you decide to come back, you’ll always be welcome here.”

“Thank you, Zoli. I mean that.” Kili finished his drink. “I should go get some sleep before my show tonight.”

“Sure thing.”

Kili was halfway across the floor when Zoli called out to him again.

“Oh hey, Kirin. Your bike was delivered this morning.”

Kili turned to look at his friend in confusion. “My bike?”

“Yeah. Why didn’t you tell me that you loved motorcycles so much? If we had known it was coming, Dwalin would have cleared a space in the back garage for you. It’s a Scout, right?”

Kili nodded slowly, trying to fight down the panic that was threatening to choke him. “Yeah. It’s my favorite bike. I pretty much rebuilt it on my own.”

Zoli lifted an eyebrow at the tone of Kirin’s voice. “You didn’t arrange to have it delivered here, did you?”

Kili slowly shook his head. “No, I didn’t.”

“Don’t worry, kid. No one will get close to you that you don’t want near you.” He smiled. “Dwalin and Mike will make sure of that.” When Kili nodded, Zoli smiled at him. “Your keys are upstairs in the top drawer of Mike’s desk.”

“Thanks, Zoli. I’ll grab the keys and probably camp out in the extra room upstairs to get some sleep before tonight.” 

It would also be safer than taking the chance of leading the wrong person back to his hotel room when it was light out. He’d go to his hotel and clean out after the club closed. It meant that he would be travelling later than he had planned to or wanted to, but it was obvious that he had no choice now that someone had tracked him to this town.

He had stayed too long in one place against his better judgement and now he had to get out of town before whomever was looking for him found him for sure.

After Kili disappeared up the stairs, Zoli frowned and rubbed a hand over his face. Shaking his head, he reached for the phone behind the bar and dialed a number. He leaned against the bar when the other end was picked up.

“Yeah, it’s me. You were right. Something or someone definitely has the kid spooked. I told him he was welcomed to stay here as family, but I don’t think he will or was convinced that the offer was genuine.” He listened for a moment and then sighed. “Well, I’ve never seen a guy turn so pale as Kirin did when I told him that someone had delivered his motorcycle here this morning. Yeah, I know. I reassured him that you and Mike would keep a close eye on things tonight and no one that he didn’t want near him would even get close.” Zoli covered his eyes with his hand. “Do you still believe that he’s Thorin’s missing nephew? Well, if he truly is, then that family must have fucked something up with him big time if the kid has been on the move for so long and thinks two weeks is far too long to stay in one place. He looked so freaked out that I’m surprised he didn’t bolt right then and there.” Zoli sighed again and then nodded. “Well, he’s safe for right now. He said he would take a nap in the spare room upstairs until he had to get ready for his show. It says something that he feels safer here and didn’t want to go back to his place right now. Yeah, okay, I’ll see you when you get here. Later.”

Zoli hung up the phone and then looked to the stairs at the other end of the club. He didn’t know what had Kirin on the run, but as long as he was here in their club, no one was getting near the kid. They would keep him safe for as long as he was willing to keep staying with them. Maybe they could find a way to get him at least to take a cellphone with their numbers programmed so that he could call them if he got in over his head or he just needed to hear a friendly voice.

 

Kili was still a little shaky when it came time for his first dance of the night, but he made sure not to let it show. After all, no one wanted to tip a dancer who didn’t look like he was enjoying himself.

Kili had sort of fallen into exotic dancing when he left his old life behind. He had always been an amazing dancer -- dance classes most of his life had trained him how to move his body in so many different ways. Dancing was his soul and his escape from the pain the world sometimes caused.

Travelling from town to town like he did made it hard to hold down any kind of regular job because no one wanted to hire someone who couldn’t promise how long they would be able to stick around and be available. Stripping was an easy job to get and his looks were exotic enough that he was always guaranteed to make bank -- even after he tipped the bar and DJ much more than he was required to. It kept him in food, alcohol and anything else he might need.

He was spinning around the pole during his last set when he caught sight of a pair of ocean blue eyes watching him. Thinking he was mistaken, he shimmied up the pole and while he was slowly spinning back down to stage with nothing but his legs holding him up he took the time to look more carefully out over the audience. As he controlled his descent, the panic he had felt earlier slammed into his chest. Those eyes were full of icy anger and they rested in a face that was framed by gold hair that he was far too familiar with. Those eyes never looked away from him and he had to fight down the feeling of shame that the attention from the blonde caused to rise up slightly. 

Kili shoved that shame away as fast as he could. He wasn’t ashamed of stripping. His body was in great shape and he loved the attention and the control he had when he was up on the stage. 

No, the shame came from being on display in front of _him_ like this. He had never thought to be found again and this was all too intense for him to sort out.

_I should have left this afternoon when I found out my bike was here. No, scratch that. I should have left yesterday._

Kili finished his set, collected the last few tips of the night and made a beeline for the dressing room. He had to get dressed and then get upstairs to change so he could haul ass.

At the bar, Zoli frowned when Kili disappeared so quickly back into the employee areas. Usually, he would wander the floor and flirt with willing customers for the rest of the night up until last call. When one of the waitresses came up to the bar holding a wad of bills and looking torn, he knew something was up.

“Belladonna, what's wrong?”

The waitress frowned and reached over to hand him the wad of bills. “Kirin asked me to make sure that I gave you this so you could split it between the bar and the D.J.”

That definitely did not bode well. Kirin usually tipped out on his own and had a drink with him and Dwalin while they were closing up. He looked back at the waitress who looked torn about something and sighed. 

“Bela?”

Making a decision, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a roll of money. “There’s this guy who gave me this because he wants a dance from Kirin in the VIP room. He’s waiting in there now.”

“But?” Something was going on and he was pretty sure that he wasn’t going to like it.

“Please don’t fire me, but Kirin seemed so desperate to get away and I didn’t like the way he was practically shaking like he was going to have a seizure, so I was trying to stall and give Kirin time to get away.”

Oh shit. Something must have happened right beneath their noses that had Kirin on the run.

“Did you tell Kirin about the man waiting for him?”

Bela shook her head. “I didn’t want to upset him. I figured I would go back in the room in a few minutes and tell the guy that he’d have to come back some other time because Kirin wasn’t feeling well.”

“Good idea. Take him a free drink of whatever you served him last, then. We’ll talk to Kirin tomorrow when he comes in and find out what happened tonight.”

Zoli watched Bela walk away and then went to the back of the bar to lift the phone that connected to the back office. When he heard it picked up on the other end, he sighed. “Something happened that we missed. The kid has rabbited.”


	2. Night Club Pick Ups Are The Worst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt #85 -- **Night club pick ups are the worst**

_All dressed up in a pretty black label_   
_Sweet salvation on a dining room table..._

 

He knew that something was wrong when, according to his watch, twenty minutes had passed and the requested dancer still hadn’t made an entrance into the VIP room. He hadn’t been sure that this idea of his had been the best one he had ever come up with, but he had been desperate. It had been a year since he had even gotten a glimpse of his missing brother and seeing him in this place had shocked him and all of his plans about being careful and not being an aggressor had flown right out of his mind.

He wanted answers and after the past year of running down lead after lead he or his private investigator friends uncovered seeing Kili on that stage with those people reaching for him had caused his patience to snap.

Seeing Kili up on that stage mostly naked had definitely not helped other matters any, either. What in the hell was he doing, taking off his clothes for money? There were many other ways of earning a living that didn’t include selling himself to anyone that thought that money gave them the right to _touch_ what didn’t belong to them.

How in the hell could his brother be doing something like this? Didn’t he have any pride in himself any longer? Did he ever?

The man groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. That wasn’t fair and his thoughts sounded far too much like his Uncle Thorin’s voice for his comfort. Thorin, whom he was beginning to believe had caused this whole damn mess.

The door opened and he looked up in anticipation, only to frown and slump back into his chair when he saw the wrong familiar face approaching him. The other man hooked his leg around a chair and then kicked it into position where it was in front of the visitor. He sat down and calmly stared at the man who had been waiting in here for around half an hour now.

“Fili.”

“Dwalin.” The name came out as more of annoyed sigh than anything. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“And I didn’t expect to find the Golden Prince slumming so far from the silver structures of Wonderopolis. Yet, here we are.” Dwalin shifted in his chair, getting settled as he arranged his denim jacket to hang off of him in a more comfortable manner.

“I have a meeting, Dwalin.”

“No, see as a matter of fact, you do not. Kirin --”

“Kili.”

“Excuse me?”

“His name is Kili as you very well know. Call him by his real name and not the name of some stripper character.”

“He chose that persona himself. As far as any of us knew, it was his real name.”

“Bullshit. You knew as soon as he walked into this place who he was. What I don’t get is why you didn’t call Uncle Thorin and tell him he had turned up here? I know for a fact that Thorin contacted everyone to tell them Kili was gone and that we were tearing up the country trying to find him and bring him back home safe.”

“My club, my rules. Thorin doesn’t get to dictate how things are done here. This isn’t Erebor.”

“How could you keep my brother’s whereabouts from us? From me?! You had to have known we would be frantic and worried. I have been going crazy trying to find him.”

“Kili has only been here for two weeks, and with the condition he’s been in and how he’s taken to approaching life, we didn’t think it was safe to contact you.”

“You had no right, Dwalin! That is my brother.”

“Yeah, he certainly looks like he’s been cared for by family for awhile. Tell me, Fili, why did Kili leave home?”

“He and Uncle Thorin had some kind of a misunderstanding.” The answer was automatic.

Dwalin snorted and got to his feet. “We’re done here. The fact that Kili has been drifting from town to town for a year and thought two weeks was far too dangerously long to stay in one place tells me that there was a lot more to it. I don’t know if you’re completely oblivious or if you’re trying to run a play on me. You’ll get no help from me and mine.” He shrugged. “Not that it matters since the kid has rabbited. I don’t think he’ll be back until he decides it's safe, if at all.”

Fili jumped up. “Dwalin, please! I don’t know what exactly happened between Thorin and Kili. I just know that when I came home from training for break that weekend, he was missing and no one knew where he had gone to.” He ran a hand through his hair as a sign of his frustration. “Thorin said he just needed to cool off a little and get his head cleared; that he would show up after that happened. But Kili never returned home. I’m worried about him, Dwalin.”

“I can’t help you, kid. I honestly don’t know where he is or where he’s stayed while he was in town here. I do think you had better figure out what happened and why he’s running before he’s out of your reach permanently.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Dwalin growled a little as he looked at the blonde man. “It means something has broken within your brother and he just doesn’t care what happens to him any longer.” He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a roll of bills that he placed on the table. “Here’s the money you gave Belladonna to arrange your show with Kirin. It’s refundable since the dance was not able to be arranged.”

Dwalin gave him one more look and then left the room.

When the door closed behind Dwalin, Fili groaned. None of this was working out like it was supposed to. He hadn’t been prepared for Dwalin’s anger or his unwillingness to help him. At one time he had been Thorin’s best friend, and had almost become the stepfather to him and his brother. He’d thought for sure that out of everyone, Dwalin would be there for him.

That wasn’t fair though. Dwalin was being the same stubborn and caring man he’d always been, just right now, all of his protective instincts were firmly centered around Kili. It may have clashed hardcore with what Fili wanted to happen, but at least someone was looking out for his brother.

Fili left the club, feeling worse than he had when he arrived. He had been so sure that he had finally cornered Kili and would be able to get some answers from his brother so that he could bring him back home. However, that hadn’t happened and for some reason he had ran away from him and a club full of employees that had been looking out for him. As he stepped outside, he could feel his back itch. He didn’t see Dwalin, but he knew that the older man was watching him as he left the club.

Once in his car with the doors locked, Fili let out a deep sigh and dropped his head forward to rest on the steering wheel. The sting of tears burned at his eyes and he wiped his hand across his face half-heartedly. It hurt. It hurt so damn much. He missed Kili like crazy and had been full of hope that he would finally be reunited with him. 

Instead, he’d found Kili dancing mostly naked while people tried to grope him and an angry pseudo Uncle who told him that something was wrong with his brother. Both of those things together created a mental image that had him more afraid for his baby brother than he had ever been before.

Frowning and trying not to become completely discouraged, Fili dug out his phone and hit one of the speed dial contacts.

“ _Do you have him?_ ”

“I wish,” he sighed as he rested his head against the steering wheel. “He disappeared before I had the chance to talk to him.”

“ _Fuck. I was so sure that sending his bike there with the coded message would have let him know you were nearby and that he didn’t need to run any longer._ ”

“It was worth a try, Gimli. Oh, and guess what. Dwalin owns the club you tracked Kili down to. Not only was he very unhappy to see me, he informed me that I was close to losing Kili forever because he has become self-destructive.”

“ _Why didn’t Dwalin call you, then?!_ ”

“Apparently Kili has only been here for two weeks and he wasn’t sure if I was safe to call or not. Plus, he thought I was trying to scam him or something when I told him Kili had run away after a disagreement with Thorin.”

“ _Everyone has disagreements and fights with Thorin. It’s like an Extreme Olympic sport. That doesn’t mean people run away to disappear and I have told you many times since he disappeared that we weren’t getting the full story from Grumpy McGrump-Ass._ ”

Fili sighed. “I know, but I haven’t been able to figure out what could have happened that made Kili disappear like that. Not only did he run, but he hasn’t been touching his bank accounts.”

“ _He spent enough time with Dad over the years to know that bank accounts and credit cards are the first things investigators start tracking and monitoring when someone disappears._ ”

“I know. I just… I want him back, Gimli. I need him safe and with me again.”

“ _I know you do, buddy, and we’ll figure it out. Meanwhile, Tauriel checked in and sent me the address of a hotel that she thinks is where Kili has been staying. She doesn’t know if he’s still there because she doesn’t want to get too close and spook him into running again. Although, she did say she could just taser him to keep him in place._ ”

“No tasering Kili! That’s just… no.”

“ _I figured that was how you’d feel, but you know these bounty hunter types. They always expect violence and they always come up with reasons to use their toys and weapons._ ”

“Kili isn’t a criminal. He’s a scared -- and according to Dwalin -- damaged kid.”

“ _I’m rather attached to the idea of him not getting shot or tasered, too. I’ve sent the location and room number to your phone. I’m tracing your GPS so don’t be stupid and not check in. If I don’t hear from you within an hour, I’m sending Dan and Ro to get you out._ ”

“I don’t need a rescue extraction, Gimli. I’m going to talk to my baby brother not interrupt a terrorist cabal.”

“ _One hour, Fili._ ”

“Fine,” he muttered, hanging up the phone. He glanced at the text message from Gimli and after committing the address to memory, he started up his car and pulled out of the club’s parking lot.

 

When he got to the hotel parking lot about fifteen minutes later, the overall look of the building and surrounding area made Fili sad on behalf of his brother. Even in the dark this place looked depressing. How had his brother who was the epitome of color and fire been able to stand living in this place for a day, nevermind two weeks?

He parked around the corner from where he had been told Kili’s room was located. He hadn’t wanted the headlights or the sound of the engine to spook Kili and give him the opportunity to run again. He carefully made his way to the door of Kili’s assumed room. He did his best to shut out all of the noise of his surroundings so that he could really listen at the door.

Hearing sounds of someone moving around hurriedly inside, Fili nodded to himself. Kili was inside and from the sounds of it, he was packing up his belongings as fast as he could. Fili slowly turned the doorknob, fighting back a smile when he found that it wasn’t locked. He let himself inside very quietly, not at all surprised to see that the only light in the residence was shining from the bathroom.

Kili was definitely planning to run again if he was taking all of the lessons from Gloin to heart about not creating shadows that were able to be seen from the outside.

It was dark enough that Kili didn’t see him standing in the shadows when he exited the bathroom with a black bag.

He did hear his voice, though.

“You know, night club pick ups are just the worst. You make arrangements for conversation, maybe a date and you end up having to show up at another venue at your pick up's whim.” Fili clucked his tongue. “Not actually an auspicious start.”


End file.
